A servant is someone who gives himself up to another's will, those whose service is used by Christ in extending and advancing his cause among men, primarily the salvation of men's souls. It means to be devoted to another to the disregard of one's own interests. A willing slave. That is what is written in Thayer's Greek Definitions about what a servant is. Faussett: A free voluntary attendant (who ministers to the needs of another). Communicates the desires of their Master to others. An attendant waits upon the Master for direction, ministering to them. Webster's 1828 dictionary puts it like this: A servant is one that waits, stops, holds, attends or is bound to another for the purpose of performing menial offices for him. Subject to his command and is employed by him for such offices or other labor. Different from a slave, as the servant's subjection to the master is voluntary and the slave's is not. Every slave is a servant but every servant is not a slave. Now Paul instructs Timothy here that the servant of the Lord must not strive. What does that mean? Let's examine the word "Strive". Webster says it like this: to make efforts; to use exertions, to endeavor with earnestness to labor hard, in body or mind. To try to excel others in improvement, to perform his task before another completes it first. There is another definition of strive, as well. It also means to contend, contest, struggle in opposition to another, to be in contention or dispute; to be against or with before the person or thing opposed, to resist as in "strive against temptation" to strive for the truth.

According to Strong's Greek Dictionary, strive means to war, quarrel, dispute, fight. Thayer puts it this way: to fight, engage in a war of words, wrangle, dispute, armed combatants engaged in a hand to hand struggle; those who contend at law for property and privileges.

Let's look at the word "meekness". It means gentleness, or humility. Mildness. Easton's Bible Dictionary says meekness is a calm temper of mind, not easily provoked.

In verse 26, "that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil" means simply that they may come to their senses. To become sober again.

As he is, so are we in this world. Jesus was servant to his Father in this world, fulfilling the will of God on earth. Isaiah described him this way:

I look up the definition of some words that draw my attention at times. Sometimes what I find surprises me. In Matthew 12, these 4 verses are quoted, and it says “He shall not strive”, rather than cry. Nor lift up. What does that mean? Is not reading and seeking understanding to the word of God like digging for buried treasure-except here, we know it is there, waiting for us to become hungry enough to dig in and seek it with all our heart. I looked up this phrase, “to lift up” and I found in Strong’s Hebrew Dictionary it has many meanings. But some were very interesting. “desire ease, exalt self, raise up, stir up, spare, set up, bear up, bring forth, hold up". So the servant of the Lord and here it is talking about Jesus Christ, he’s not going to exalt himself or lift himself up over the people. He is not going to live in comfort and ease, without concern for the people. He isn’t going to put his needs ahead of the people's. He isn't seeking fame or trying to draw attention to himself. The scriptures says he will not cause his voice to be heard in the street. He isn't going to make people listen to him, with understanding or obedience. They must want to understand and obey. He isn't going to complicate it, but his word although simple, is spiritually discerned. Carnal minds will not be able to grasp it. Strong's gives a long list of definitions, to hear intelligently, make to hear, give ear, to listen, be obedient, perceive, proclaim or publish. The servant of the Lord isn't going to make anyone listen to him. How many times did Jesus say "he that hath an ear, let him hear?" No one ever said, "Lord, give me an ear to hear." I believe he would have. Now, a bruised reed means someone who is broken, discouraged, oppressed, struggling. Smoking flax, that is someone who is weak, feeble, heavy. Their light is dim. Someone like that he isn't going to put out. He's going to bring forth judgment. Again, many meanings and I examined this carefully, prayerfully. Judgment we know is a favorable or unfavorable verdict about something. But it also means determination, discretion, justice, measure due, order. He is going to bring forth these things. Unto truth! That means stability, certainty, assured, establishment, faithful. He shall not fail, (or be weak, discouraged, grow dim, faint). He knows what the people need even more than they do and he intends them to have it. And he will not deliver it in an abusive or arrogant manner.

In Matthew 12, it was the Sabbath day, and Jesus was in the synagogue and there was a hurting man in there, with a withered hand. The term "withered" has spiritual applications. It means leanness of soul, dried up, spiritual impotence, moral decay, malnutrition of the soul. This man's hand was withered. Your hand is what you work with, what you reach out to others with. What you use to touch others with. And his was dried and faded, and shrunken. Powerless. Unable to reach out to others. Unable to move.

The Lord had compassion on him, and healed him, knowing that those around about him, the religious crowd would condemn his action, misjudge him and accuse him falsely. They wanted to destroy him. They saw how the people responded to him. Jesus dealt with the people with kindness and compassion. The people were not used to that-for the Pharisees and Saducees were pompous, arrogant, and lightly esteemed their fellow man. They forgot the people were made in the image of God and as such deserved respect and care. They had crucified and perverted their own purpose, which was to minister God's word to the people. They had twisted it into something it was never meant to be. Jesus knew what they were doing. In this situation, as in many others when he saw the Pharisees abusing his word-and that is putting it mildly, consider this: Here is the Word of God made flesh, their very Creator in their presence. He knew the law he'd sent down to Moses and Israel and what it was for. How it was meant to bring order and peace to their lives. How in obeying the law they would prosper and could have led the world to Him. We know he told David he magnified his word above his name, and here he sees his word being misused, and sorely abused. Something he treasured. But he did not lash out at these Pharisees. He did not display anger and outrage at this point. No, he withdrew himself but the people, drawn to him, surely hungry for what they themselves couldn't explain, followed after him. They had a need and they just knew Jesus could satisfy the need. And he healed them all. But he didn't want them to broadcast what he'd done. He did not want to a celebrity. He wasn't seeking popularity. He did not wish to draw attention to himself, but to God, his Father. He doesn't speak to the people in a condescending tone with impatience. Jesus was not smug, or arrogant or self-righteous. When they tried to provoke him, Jesus used a simple illustration to respond which revealed even more of his heart. He asks if one of their sheep fell into a pit on the Sabbath day, would they not lift it out of the pit? This man with the withered hand was in despair. He was down low, in the pit of despair, in need. He could not lift himself out of this pit. Nor did he let the derision of the religious crowd stop him from healing this man and restoring him. Restored means returned, brought back, retrieved, recovered, cured, renewed or re-established.

David said in Ps. 23 "he restoreth my soul". David knew what it was to be in the pit of despair, on the run for his life. Hated by man, challenged and lightly esteemed by his own son, Absalom. Mocked by enemies. Cursed even. But for naught. God lifted David up and restored his soul, even after he sinned grievously both with Bathsheba, and with numbering Israel. God was merciful to David. When he was so low he couldn't lift up his head, he said God was the lifter up of his head. God's gentleness made him great. God dealt graciously with him, just as Jesus did the man with the withered hand, in spite of the religious crowd seeking to find fault.

Matt 12:10 says they asked him "Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath days?" that they might accuse him. We know that as soon as the devil knew Jesus had been born, he sought to destroy him. But God kept him. And here, the Accuser of the brethren was coming at the Lord through these religious men, trying to draw the Lord into legalism. Trying to make him fit in their mold of rules and regulations and striving in the flesh to no avail. For we can never please God by striving in our flesh. This is a walk of faith, and our obedience ought to be because we love him. Jesus said "If you love me, you will keep my commandments." not "if you fear me," or "if you fear hell".

The death of the cross for us is the death of our right to lead our own life, make our own decisions about how to do things and when. But as servants of the Most High, to wait in his presence for his instruction, with his word and a desire to keep it in our hearts, and a hunger for his ways, his thoughts, his will, not our own. For when we lean to our own understanding and consider not the Lord and what he thinks, we will err. If he pays attention to the smallest detail, even the number of hairs on our head, we should consider that, and ask him to help us learn how to become totally dependent on him. First for the little things and that will lead us to the big things. If we can't depend on him for the little things, we'll never trust him for the big.

Here is another servant of God. He had a zeal for God. He ministered the truth of God to people who did not want to hear it. He proved to them the reality of God when the fire of God fell on Mount Carmel and consumed the sacrifice. They had to admit their idolatry was a dead religion. They bowed and cried the Lord he is God. What else could they say? But Jezebel didn't take it well and was determined to destroy this man of God, just as the Pharisees were determined to destroy Jesus. And in despair and discouragement, Elijah fled for his life. The people had seen the power of God fall. They had seen the fire fall from heaven. Yet a messenger brings evil tidings to Elijah on the heels of this great victory and depression overwhelmed him, to the point he asked the Lord to let him die. Surely he was weary and tired of the idolatry of the people. Tired of seeing how terrible the people mistreated the Lord he so loved who was so good to this ungrateful and uncaring people. But the Lord had something better in mind for Elijah. And when Elijah started on the journey the Lord sent him on, he stops in a cave after 40 days and nights, and then the Lord spoke to him. He asked him what he was doing there. When God asks his people questions, we must realize he already knows the answer, but often we do not, and when he asks a question it is to reveal to us what is in our own heart. He waited until the wind died down, the earth quit shaking and the fire went out and he spoke to Elijah again, asking the same question. And Elijah's response revealed a touch of self-pity, loneliness, zeal for the God he so loved, and despair.

Doesn't that sound slightly accusatory? As if he's saying, God, I've done all this for you, because I love you, and look how they treat me!

God does not even address his complaint at first, he instead instructs him to go on with his journey and anoint 3 people to do a work. This would finish Elijah's ministry, although he wasn't aware at the time of the wonderful plan God had for him. But he did encourage Elijah by telling him he had 7000 who had not bowed the knee or kissed Baal. This was the word Elijah needed to lift him up and strengthen him to continue. To know he wasn't alone. There were others, although he didn't know it, that loved and served God. Don't let the devil convince you there aren't many serving the Lord now. There is an innumerable multitude that will stand before him in heaven crying Holy, holy, holy. From all nations, kindreds and nationalities. Those who have gone on before, and who are here now. Consider this: In this world, there is technology that would blow the minds of our ancestors, exotic temptations abound that seek to draw the hearts and minds of men everywhere, to everything except God and that which is like him. Never in history has there been so many tools the devil has to work with to draw people away from God. He's even infiltrated the church and defiled much of what is supposed to be and once was the church of Christ with a worldly spirit that encourages use of worldly methods of doing things, and leaves out the counsel and Spirit of God. But there is a Bride, pure and undefiled, preparing herself to leave here. And she is larger and more diverse than the devil would have you believe. God will reap a harvest in these last days that would surprise us too, if all we judge by is the sight of society around us and the sound of the bad news that flows constantly out of tv's and radios, polluting the very atmosphere with filth and discouragement. And if in your heart you feel the pull and tug of God's Spirit, then you need to know he is wanting to prepare you to leave here, as well. He wants us to remember he said "Fret not thyself" in Ps. 37 and that all the things we are fretting about now, won't matter at all if he were to step out on the clouds with the trumpet and shout with the voice of the archangel to rapture us out of here. He wants us to rest in His mighty and capable hands and know he has it all in control. Our greatest weapon to war against the sin and disorder we see is to bring it to the throne and war against it spiritually, with the mighty weapon of prayer. And to realize the victory is not in the one who prays, but the One who hears. He would not say pray if he did not intend to hear and he will not hear without moving-if it's in his will and prayed in faith. For human nature to pray to a visible object comes easier, or to have a particular idea in your mind about God. But God is so vast, so powerful, no image could be made that would do justice to him, and he does not want his people focusing on what they see, but on him who they have not seen, but have felt and heard in their heart. No wonder he spoke to Elijah in a still small voice. If he spoke in his normal voice our flesh could not take it. Our feeble minds could not stand it. It would destroy us. He has so much power if he let us feel his presence too strong or too long, our flesh could not handle it, it would be destroyed. God holds back his power to protect and teach us to do the same. When we deal with others, we need to do it the same way he deals with us. His Beloved Son was the pattern. He doesn't want us looking to man. If we seek advice from man, or from a man's book, are we not by our action saying, God, I don't think you can handle this, or if I asked you about this you wouldn't answer me? Or is it that we just don't have the patience to wait on God till he does? I have been guilty of this so much, and I am so grateful to the Lord for his great mercy in showing me this and dealing kindly, but seriously with this issue. In these last days, we do not need to make a move without the counsel of Almighty God. We don't need to make a single move without asking for his direction. There is a lying spirit of the devil out there trying to deceive the Bride of Christ. And he was slick enough to deceive one third of the angels in heaven that had seen and been in the presence of God himself. How important it is to get in this word, get in his presence, and ask the Holy Ghost to bring it alive to us. He can and will. I believe one of his favorite requests to honor is "Father, help me understand your word, bring it alive to me so I can be changed by it." I have been honest with him when there were times reading his word would seem like a chore or duty instead of a labor of love. I even had a dream one time, I'd been neglecting prayer and the word of God, preoccupied with troubles around me, the cares of this life. And I dreamed Bro. Joe was in the pulpit, thundering a word from the Lord, and you know Bro. Joe never gets loud, so it got my attention when he said "I need this Word every day, I have to have it every day. It's your life and you need to have it every day! You can't neglect this Word and get by!"

We are talking about the servant of the Lord and the still small voice of God here. You can't serve God well if you can't hear his voice. You can't hear his voice if you never read his word, or talk to him and wait on him until he sends his word, or speaks.

Notice Jesus once again points people to the Father. He doesn't take credit for anything he does. It is so against human nature to do things and not want attention for it. Not seek man's praise and approval. Jesus never sought the praise of man. He never tried to intimidate men. And he is to be our Pattern. When we deal with our rebellious children, or contrary spouse, our neighbors and co-workers that vex us by their sinful attitudes or behavior, we are to remember how Jesus dealt with people. Because when we name his name, we can bring a reproach on him by not acting like him. And not only is the world watching, but so is the adversary or your soul. He's waiting for the slightest crack to slip in and bring shame to the Son of God by causing us to misbehave. And our carnal mind will lead us to error too. Like that song Bro. Lonnie sings, we need a wall of prayer around about us all. And we can't build our own wall and forget our brothers and sisters. How much stronger the walls of the city were when Israel was working together. For the good of all.

My sheep hear my voice. That is what he says. And I know them, and they follow me. The other day, I felt something I'd never felt before in my inner man. It was dinner time, and I'd prepared a nice supper. My husband was working, so it was just me and the children. And I had the table set, and everyone's plate was full of good food. But my son, eager to leave and go visit the neighbor kids, was shoving his food in his mouth as fast as he could, not really taking time to enjoy it. And as soon as he was finished, he wanted to get up from the table and leave. He was so impatient. And I felt a pain go through my heart. For I wanted him to linger and tell me about his day, his thoughts, what he'd been through that day. And he couldn't wait to leave my presence and go on about his own business. Then the Lord witnessed to my heart that is how he felt when I knelt and prayed, hurrying through prayer, and got up quickly and went on about my housework, and day. And immediately, I was sorry, and I asked him to forgive me. And I asked him to help me remember every time I pray now, to take his word with me, and help me be free from the rush rush that so pulls on our society now. We have all these conveniences that are supposed to save us time. Make life easier. But we are always running to and fro to get this done, get that done, and if we're not careful, the day will be over and it will be bedtime and we will have been so preoccupied we have not given the Lord a few minutes much less an hour. I have noticed, when I eat too much, it slows me down, and I get sleepy, and lazy and don't have a desire to do anything. I cant' pray or read my Bible, because I'm full and it's hard to concentrate through the yawns. But on the other hand, I've noticed, the more spiritual food I eat, it doesn't weight me down, or slow me down, it does more for me, when I take time to sit down at the Lord's table, and partake of what great things he has prepared, it doesn't slow me down, and my day goes better, I get more done than I ever thought possible, and no matter what goes wrong about me, I'm better equipped to handle it. I'm asking the Lord to help me be more consistent. I'm his sheep, I want to hear his voice. But I must learn to quit rushing around hurried on by the spirit of this age that drives people to do meaningless things, rush here, got to do this, that, go there, even in helping others. It might not be sin, for the devil knows he could never lure me into a theater to watch a bad movie. Or get me on the phone putting down one of God's children. Or drugs or alcohol. But most of the time, I feel this sense of hurry up about what I do, and when I allow that to influence my prayer, and Bible reading, I get nothing out of it. But if I take time to start praying against it-and the Lord has finally helped me see this-if I pray for grace to still myself before him, and start reminding myself of how powerful, how holy, how good, how interested he is in that which concerns me, pretty soon, my heart is in awe of this great God that would so lower himself to take notice of a little nobody like me (at least as far as this world is concerned), and want a relationship with me. Want to spend time with me. And the tears will start flowing and I notice as start praying, it seems like more and more his own word is what is coming out of my mouth prayed back to him. And then I have this sense of his presence and it's overwhelming.....it makes me hungry to return as soon as I can to him. It keeps him on my mind. I am just a stay at home mom right now, who baby-sits to make a little money so I can keep supplied with ink and cd's and paper and things my kids need, because I so love to share the awesome word of God. And there are so many trivial things that battle for my attention throughout the day. I was just a newborn babe in Christ sheltered from the worst of spiritual attack when I was working before I had Shalee. So I can't imagine how hard it must be for you saints who work in the world, in factories, or wherever you work. Because when you are around sinners, you're going to hear and see sin. And like Lot it will vex your soul, for you love God and you want his ways and words and will for your life. Jesus knows exactly how you feel. All through the gospels he illustrates your answers. He left the glory of heaven, the constant presence of God, and gave up all that to take on the form of a man, and come into a wicked world that try to use, abuse and destroy him. That would reject and mock and ridicule him. That would scoff at his ways and words. And in this last hour of time, he wants us to be powerful witnesses -he wants to strengthen us and feed us what will make us what he wants us to be. Because he knows we will need it to stand. We will need it to be able to draw others to him. He wants to remind us that even those who vex us are his creation and he loves them and doesn't want any of them to perish. But he has been so misrepresented by the devil and those he influences, the world is starving for light. For the true Light. And he wants to put that extra oil in our light to make us burn brighter. And we can't get that oil except on our knees and daily in his word. In his presence every day. Asking him to increase our hunger for him and his word, (for it's not naturally in us to want God's ways and word) for our flesh and carnal mind will fight us. A dear saint once said to me "That good meat of God's word kills the flesh" and that has stuck with me. It is true.

The Lord has great things he wants to show his people if he can get us to still ourselves before his presence with a desire to see. I often pray that scripture in Ps. 119:18, "Open thou mine eyes that I may behold wondrous things out of thy law". The most wondrous thing is learning who God is and I'm learning that by reading how he dealt with his people. How he dealt with others. Learning how he deals with me. Always with gentleness. And it does make me marvel. It makes others marvel when they know who I used to be and they see how I am now-all by the grace of God. And as I learn how he dealt and deals with people and copy that by seeking to deal with people as God does, by yielding to him and as a willing vessel letting him deal with those around me through me. Instead of snapping their head off because they offend me, or criticize their behavior because it is wrong. And I have been guilty of it. Everything I am sharing with you now I have been guilty of doing. This is the result of me asking God to show me my heart that I may repent and he can purge it and make it like his. He said he would give us a new heart, and I want him ruling and reigning supreme and unchallenged in my heart. I want his word filling this vessel. His commandments will be like the walls of a powerfully protected city to those who obey them. Keeps the devil out. His word led by his Spirit flowing out of my mouth and anointed by him will bring life to those around me who hear it and will listen. And I can pray he will prepare their hearts and not let me ever speak or act out of my own desire or thoughts. For only he knows when people are ready to hear.

If I lean to my own understanding, I will not accomplish anything for God's kingdom. I have been convicted by the Lord through the word he gave one of his servants that although I've been saved four years, and witnessed to many people, and even at times have felt his Spirit come on me as I was witnessing to people, and I would begin to cry as the words I didn't know I was going to say would come out, even though I would tell anyone I could get to listen to how Jesus transformed, how he revolutionized my whole life, I have not led a single soul to the Lord. And with all his power, his resources, his wisdom, his ability, I stand without excuse. I got off track, battling guilt and condemnation for my failures, and allowed the enemy to draw my attention to what a failure I was, (when I was much worse before the Lord saved me) and instead of standing in faith that God would make me what I can't be myself, and take me where I can't go, by myself, I sank into depression, and condemnation, no longer able to see really the great hunger and need around me for the Lord's power to heal and restore in the lives of those around me. God forgive me and wash every stain of this sin away-it is too heavy for me to carry. I will not accomplish anything to advance the kingdom of God until his agenda becomes mine, until his thoughts are mine, his heart is mine, his desire, mine. And his desire is to share his love and salvation with a lost and dying world. The devil would have me believe things are too bad, he has too many devices to draw away my loved ones after the things of this world and up until now he has succeeded. But my God is greater than him, the things of God better than the beggardly elements of this world. The love of God is what every lost soul hungers for, they just don't know it. Each of us was created with a God-sized hole in us that is empty until he comes in and fills it. And people try to fill that empty place inside them with everything imaginable-leading straight to destruction. I know I did. I became aware of that emptiness when I was a child. I didn't understand it. I thought if I was popular at school I wouldn't feel that empty hole inside of me. I never was, I was mocked, scorned, and hurt. Over the years I tried other things to fill that hole, often leading to my own hurt. Never being satisfied. Always more miserable. But I stopped feeling like half a person when the Lord saved me and came to live inside me. And that completeness is what others are looking for. Paul said in Col 2:10 we are complete in him. Everything we need is in Him. Everything we are is only in Him. Through him. By him. We can take none of the credit. As I wrote these thoughts down, I stopped frequently and prayed the Lord to keep my thoughts focused and help me not stray off course. Those who get up and preach his Word, which is a sacred duty laid on them by the Lord, I admire. I have only just begun to realize what a great need they have for us to pray a wall around them. To pray God will give them an ever greater ever increasing revelation of who he is and his heart that they may share that life changing word with us. That all can benefit. That living water flowing freely will bear fruit, it will give life, and bring an increase. And as Jesus did, we need to constantly point ourselves and others back to the Father, when ever he does something good through us, and others praise us, send that praise up to the Father! Direct it back where it belongs-just as Jesus did-with kindness and compassion. And gratitude.

As I read these scriptures, I had to ask myself a question. Is there anything in the business of my life that conflicts or is more important than this? We have the guarantee that if we come to him he won't refuse us. He did not come to do his own thing, but he came to do what God sent him to. Which is seek and save the lost. That those who see him will believe in him, and be saved. If others see Him in us, and we lift Him up instead of our problems, he has promised to draw them to himself. He wants the lost to see Him, and if they don't see Him in us, how are they going to see him? He is not going to come back as he did before, as a teacher and reconciler, and sacrifice. He did it already and commissioned us to serve him, with gladness, and join with him in reaping a harvest that is ripe. Under his direction. We can only be changed from image to image, from our selfish image to his image, from glory to glory, from strength to strength, and faith to faith, as we spend time in his presence and in his word which will transform us and renew us. His passion was a lost and dying world. I have not been able to share that passion, and I want to. Not with my mouth, or my empty words. But with my heart which demands total submission to Him, to seek the furtherance of His kingdom, not mine. He said seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and the other things would be added. If his kingdom is peace, joy and righteousness in the Holy Ghost, is that not what the world has such great need of? I remember how tired and sick of my sin I was-but it was the Spirit of the Lord who showed me that. When I had only hypocrites for examples, He was sufficient through dealing with me by his Spirit and birthing a hunger for himself in me. And I owe him everything. If I give everything back to him, as his own, not holding back anything for myself, he will bless it and multiply it because then he can get glory from it. Surrender does not come natural to us. But he is able to subdue all things to himself, (Phil 3:21) and he does it not with brute force, but in gentleness, through a revelation of his love. That is what draws people, because that is the one thing they will never find in the world. And it is the one thing they long for but can't explain. They can't look at you and tell you they are hungry for Jesus because they don't know that is what the hunger that drives them is for. Satan blinds their minds and always tells them, if you get more money, if you have more power, prestige, things, you'll be satisfied. And it sounds reasonable to them. If you tell a lost soul they are hungry for Jesus they will not believe you unless He has prepared their heart and shown them this already. But when they look at his Bride, and see her joy is in him alone, that he is sufficient for all her needs, that she doesn't need self-help books and seminars, or man's therapists and counselors, or anti-depressants to get her through life, they will wonder. They will consider. They will be drawn to the Master because of the love the Bride has for him, and the joy in her life which comes from knowing him and belonging to him. Psalms 16:11 says "In his presence is the fullness of joy and at his right hand there are pleasures forevermore."

You can't get that anywhere but on your knees. This is what the Lord has been showing me. I have loved reading about him, talking about him, hearing others talk about him, and testify of him. But all that is secondhand knowledge. When I read his word, and apply it to my life, and take it to him personally and ask him to fulfill his word in my life, then I see him differently. Up close and personal. And my heart is awed. It melts. It trembles. Words fail me. And I'm so glad he can hear the cry and praise that wells up in my heart because I could not speak if I tried....

That is what is drawing me back to his presence again and again.

As I learn to know God and the Lord Jesus for myself, to relate to him and experience him for myself, that is what is bringing his word alive to me. And making me hungry for more. That is what is causing me to stop while reading something and ask him, Lord, why did he say that? Why did you do that? And saints, the Holy Ghost answers me sometimes. Or understanding will start flowing through my mind. However he does it, it is awesome. I trust that what the Lord has taught and is teaching me, he will use to stir up a hunger for himself in others. Both in and outside his house and family. For he rains on the just and on the unjust. And he gives us his promises so we can live by them, in them and through them. They are precious because they are life to us and make us like him. Too long I've let condemnation and guilt keep over my failures keep me from the presence of the Lord I so love. That is not pleasing to him. My mind still does not and cannot grasp that he-the Almighty God, who owns and created every thing I see, would want to fellowship with me. When my husband doesn't. When my children don't. When my neighbors look at me odd, and misjudge me because I take my Bible with me everywhere I go, and if they start talking to me, they know I'm going to steer the conversation to my Beloved. They don't understand, but they can't deny the change in me. We can know him for ourselves, he wants us to. And the more he has helped me to realize this, the more I hunger for it and am determined to pursue him and have this. He told us all last year he wants to walk with us. And I don't know about you but after that message came forth, I've battled condemnation and guilt hard over every little failure. Over every time I neglected to pray, or read his word. Every time I snapped at someone in anger. Every time I spent an hour watching the news when I could have spent it with him. The devil knows that he can't lie to a Christian who has gotten to know God for himself. He can't bring you into bondage when you have spent time in the Lord's presence and know that if you mess up, you can run to the blood and get cleansed and enter his presence again. Forgiven. The devil can't lie that away. That is the knowledge of God, knowing him intimately, for yourself, that will bring you peace and multiply it in your life. That is the knowledge that will cause you to have the courage to cast down the lies of the devil and your carnal mind, bring them into subjection to Christ, and stop standing at the entrance and enter in to his rest, his promises and start partaking of them. It's by these, Peter said, by partaking of these great and precious promises that you partake of his divine nature. And once you get a taste of it, the things of this world will not allure you. They will not tempt you for you have tasted and seen the Lord, he is Good! His word is Good! His ways are Good! And he will keep you in perfect peace when your mind is stayed on him. Not when it strays to him every now and then. But when it is so fascinated by him and in love with him it can't stay away. This is not something you can work up in your flesh by reminding yourself what scripture says. It is something you experience through living the Christian life. By learning how God reacts to your flaws and failures, with gentleness, and patience. And when you let his great love change you, and melt you, and take all the strife and hardness out of you, and it will....then you are taking on his image. And when I stand before him I want him to look at me and see his Servant, in whom he is well pleased. I want him to see that I allowed the Holy Spirit to transform me into the image of his beloved Servant he describes in Is 42, the one he can trust not to touch his glory, and can use to draw others to himself. Oh, I want this.....And it shall be mine, because with all the resources of Heaven, with the Holy Ghost to teach, correct and comfort me, with the Word as the light to show me the way in this dark world that leads home, with the love of God inside me and flowing out through me that will draw others to him who will want what I have and cause them to follow him as they follow me. That is the legacy I want to leave behind. That is what I am going to have. Because he can't fail. He is faithful when I have not been. He planted something deep in me that continually draws me to him, and when I yield to that drawing, pulling power of his Spirit and take the time to come to him, oh how wonderful it is. He said "thou shalt hear a voice behind thee saying this is the way, walk ye in it" (Is. 30:21). That way will lead me into his fullness. To Him. And when he comes to rapture me, it will lead me home. But I want to know him. I want him to know me. I do not intend to stand before such mercy and such greatness and such holiness and hear "Depart from me, you were too busy for me in your life, I do not know you. I don't see myself in you." No. God forbid. He says "wait upon the Lord" in so many places. Saints, who else is more worth waiting on? I haven't received the baptism of the Holy Ghost yet, but I will. He is going to fulfill his word in my life and through his life and I am not going to let guilt, fear or condemnation or discouragement keep me from my rightful inheritance. God doesn't say something and break his word. And his promises aren't conditional on whether I'm worthy-if they were none of us would inherit anything but death and hell. His promises are conditional upon our faith and that kind of faith requires that we do something about what we know to be true. We submit, we obey. We discover his love for us and that in return causes us to love him and appreciate him. To recognize how badly we need him and how inadequate we are without him. How we can do nothing without him. And what we see and hear and learn from him in his word and his presence, that is what we can share with others that will be life to the spiritually dead. That is when they will hear his voice and LIVE!!!! That is what he can use to bring life to the lost, hope to the weary, and freedom and encouragement to the oppressed. That is the kind of testimony, born from experience that Satan can not overcome. In Rev. 12:11 the Word says "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony AND they loved not their lives unto the death." The Lord has shown me that part of the cross I am to carry is to love and pray for my brethren. To follow him. He says come learn of me, and I will give you rest. My yoke is easy, my burden is light. And you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-30.

He wants us to learn him for ourselves. The knowledge of him will give us rest, will expose the lies of the enemy, will strengthen us in the inner man to overcome the flesh, world and the devil. And give new meaning to the words "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Phil 4:13. God help us by enlightening our understanding and increasing our hunger for his presence. His yoke is light because he carries the load. He just wants us to follow him. He can carry the load and still reach out and hold our hands. And talk to us and tell us great and mighty things that we don't know. He will not hide from us the suffering we will endure, he wants us to count the cost, and realize He is worth it. He is worthy. He doesn't want us living by bread alone, the peace and prosperity verses in the Bible, he wants us living by every word out of the mouth of God. The fullness he has for us is ours if we but claim it by faith and let him take us through whatever he must to bring us into it. We must let him prepare us for it because he knows if he didn't take us through the process, teaching us, and molding and making us more like himself, such power would be sorely misused and abused in the hands of man. And he will not let that happen. His way is the only way. The best way. What an exciting journey it will be, for he goes with us every step of the way. Hallelujah!!!! He wants to loose the oppressed, free those who are weighed down by insecurities, fear, depression, guilt, condemnation, anxiety. He wants us to be still and know he is God! And there is nothing he cannot do. This does not happen overnight. I have just begun to realize these things, just begun to scratch the surface. I have heard much of this preached from this pulpit for four years. God has been faithful through the mental and spiritual battles to keep me. To let me wear myself out and see for myself I couldn't do it and give up so he can come in and show me and make me what I can't make myself. I love the Lord, He is my exceeding great reward, my shield, my teacher, my guide, my defender, my everything. Whatever I need, he can say I AM. Hallelujah! Praise the Lord. To look back on some of my colossal mistakes, and failures, is in itself a revelation of his grace. I thank him for his mercy and love. Without which I would not be here. I would be dead and burning in hell. This is not about me, it's all about him. Had I not pursued him, (And I had to ask for the hunger for him to be stirred up in my soul), but had I not come to him, like he says, I would not know what he has shown me. If I do not give him time to teach me, how can I learn? If we don't send our kids to school, they will not get an education. If I don't show up and spend time in his presence, presenting myself to him to do with as he pleases and trusting him to know best (which is easier said than done, I know) then I would be spiritually emaciated. I have been there. I have been the bruised reed, and the smoking flax. But he did not put me out, he fanned the ember and got it smoking more until it began to burn. I asked him to help me get back to the place of my first love for him when he first saved me. And he is bringing me to a much better place-a place of experiencing his love daily, in spite of myself. It is better than my first love. That was based on the head knowledge I got when he saved me. This is based on walking with him, learning of him, and sharing his heart. It is priceless. Words cannot describe it and I will not be deprived of it for he wants me to have it. And he has given me the desire for it. Paul says in Phil. 2:13, it is God that worketh in us to will, and to do of his good pleasure. So he can give us the desire to do his will, and the power to do his will. Everyone has the same opportunity. This is what our loved ones need to see that are lost. IF the blood of Abel cried out to God from the ground, how much more the souls of the lost that are in bondage? I remember when I was in sin, and bound, one time, very clearly, I was engaging in destructive behavior, smoking myself into an early grave among other things, and I clearly heard my soul speak to me. It was in anguish and all it whispered was a tormented cry "you are killing me." Without Christ my soul was dead. But when the body dies the soul truly has lost all hope of ever having life. I thank God for his mercy. For his grace. It is more than amazing, it is breathtaking.